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HARLEY FOUNDER GOES TO HEAVEN

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is that you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "Well, shoot, I want to hang out with God!" So St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of the woman?" God said, "Ah, yes". "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much:

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust';

And finally,

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous."

"Hmmm, you may have some good points there", replied God, "hold on." God went over to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed", God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, there's a lot more men riding my invention than yours".

The Top 16 Cool Things About a Bike
that Goes Faster than the Speed of Light

16 Sleep 'til noon. Still get to work by 8:00am!

15 Doppler shift makes red traffic lights look green.

14 Breaking laws of physics only a misdemeanor in most states.

13 Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking keep bugging you to ride pillion.

12 Lunch breaks in Paris, circa 1792.

11 LA to Vegas in 2 nanoseconds.

10 You can stop worrying about being sucked into a black hole riding home from work.

9 You'll be so thin while riding you can even wear horizontal stripes.

8 That deer in your headlights is actually behind you.

7 Traffic enforcement limited to cops with PhD's in Quantum Physics.

6 Bugs never see you comin'.

5 You can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

4 Can make a fortune delivering pizza with the slogan, "It's there before you order or it's free!"

3 License plate: "Me=mc2"

2 Cigarette butts don't hit your helmet-- they land in last week!

and the Number 1 Cool Thing About a Bike that Goes Faster than the Speed of Light...

1 Chicks dig it. 

Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Women

• Motorcycles' curves never sag.
• You can ride a motorcycle at any time of the month.
• Motorcycles don't have parents.
• Motorcycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
• You can kick your motorcycle to wake it up.
• You can share your motorcycle with your friends.
• If your motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.
• If you motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.
• Motorcycles don't care about how many other motorcycles you've ridden.
• When riding, you and your motorcycle both arrive at the same time.
• Motorcycles don't mind if you look at other motorcycles, or if you buy motorcycle magazines.
• You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your motorcycle.
• You don't have to convince your motorcycle that you're a motorcyclist and that you think that motorcycles are equals.
• If you say bad things to your motorcycles, you don't have to apologize before you can ride it again.
• You can ride a motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.
• You parents don't remain in touch with your old motorcycle after you dump it.
• Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride.
• Motorcycles don't insult you if you're a bad rider.
• Your motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other motorcycles.
• You don't have to take a shower before riding your motorcycle.
• It's always okay to use tie-downs on your motorcycle.
• You can't get diseases from a motorcycle that you don't know very well.
• You don't have to take your motorcycle out to dinner to get a ride on it.
• You can leave your motorcycle out in the garage and it won't complain about the cold.
• You can ignore your motorcycle and it won't ask why.
• Your motorcycle won't look at the grease on your collar and ask where you got it from.
• You can ride your motorcycle in public.
• You can flirt with girls when you're with your motorcycle.
• If your motorcycle isn't working, you can always borrow your friend's.
• If you see a girl riding a motorcycle, you don't have to worry.
• You can choke your motorcycle.
• Motorcycles won't leave you for another rider.
• Motorcycles don't wake you up at 3:00 AM and ask you if you love it.
• You don't get into trouble with the law for storing disassembled pieces of the motorcycle in the basement.

Why Motorcycles are better than Men

• Your bike doesn't care how many bikes you've ridden in the past.
• Your bike doesn't grow spare tires.
• You can ride your bike more than once every hour. Bikes don't get you pregnant.
• Your bike will never check other bikes that are cooler or thinner than you.
• Bikes don't have relatives.
• Your bike will never criticize your girlfriends.
• Your bike doesn't care what time of the month we are in.
• Your bike will let you know when something is wrong.
• You don´t have to kick your bike to get it to keep going.
• If your bike makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler for it.
• If your bike stinks you can wash it.
• Your bike doesn't mind if you have a poster of the bike-of-your-dreams in your bedroom.

The Love of Motorcycling

I love motorcycles, and I love riding. Like many of you, what first  drew me to bikes was not just the experience of riding, but the feeling that I'd become part of a special community? a brotherhood, really. Nothing calms me more than a long ride down the interstate, waving to the members of my beloved clan.

Except when I pass Harley guys. I hate Harley guys. Hate, hate, hate. When they pass me on the highway, you know what I do? I don't wave. With their little tassle handlebars and the studded luggage and the half-helmets? God, they drive me crazy.

You know who else I hate? BMW guys. Oh, I do hate those guys. I don't wave at them, either. They think they're so great, sitting all upright, with their 180-degree German engines. God, I hate them.

They're almost as bad as those old bastards on their touring motorcycles. You know what I call those bikes? "Two-wheeled couches!" Get it? Because they're so big. They drive around like they've got all day. Appreciate the scenery somewhere else, Grampa, and while you're at it, I'm not waving to you.

Ducati guys? I don't wave at them either. Why don't they spend a little more money on their bikes? "You can have it in any color you want, as long as it's red." Aren't you cool! Like they even know what a desmo-whatever engine is, anyway. Try finding the battery, you Italian-wannabe racers! I never, ever wave at those guys.

Suzuki guys aren't much better, which is why I never wave at them, either. They always have those stupid helmets sitting on top of their stupid heads, and God forbid they should wear any safety gear. They make me so mad. Sometimes they'll speed by and look over at me and you know what I do? I don't wave. I just keep on going. Please, don't get me started on Kawasaki guys. Ninjas? What are you, twelve years old? Team Green my ass. I never wave at Kawasaki guys.

I ride a Honda, and I'll only wave at Honda guys, but even then, I'll never wave at a guy in full leathers. Never, never, never. Yeah, like you're going to get your knee down on the New York Thruway. Nice crotch, by the way.

Guys in full leathers will never get a wave from me, and by the way, neither will the guys in two-piece leathers. And I'll tell you who else I'm not waving at those guys with the helmets with the loud paintjobs. Four pounds of paint on a two pound helmet? Like I'm going to wave back to that! I'll also never wave at someone with a mirrored visor. Or helmet stickers. Or racing gloves. Or hiking boots.

To me, motorcycling is a like a family, a close-knit brotherhood of  people who ride Hondas, wear jeans and a leather jacket (not Vanson) with regular gloves and a solid-color helmet with a clear visor, no  stickers, no racing gloves and regular boots (not Timberlands). And isn't that what really makes riding so special?"